Please, do not say „ma sterg la cur cu textu asta”!

Cu un adevărat jurnalist profesionist, chiar de-s numa’ un amărât de blogger amator şi canin, am învăţat tehnicile de succes (financiar?!) din presa locală. Cel mai bine, mi-am însuşit tehnica ciordiri (cu I mare sau cu doi mai mici!?). Ştiu că, în termeni tehnici, se spune copy and paste, bă! Aşa am ajuns în posesia unui material de mare importanţă strategică, un text magistral (cam ca A3 de la Luna la Gilău!):

“Acesta este un e-mail intern (pentru angajatii romani ) de la o filiala din Romania a unei mari corporatii (deci faza e pe bune!, cum ar spune un celebru jurnalist profesionist turdean!)

Improper language usage

To : All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian Speaking staff. Such behavior,in
addition to violating our policy, is highly unproffesional and offensive to both visitors and staff.All personel will imediatly adhere to the following rules:

1..Words like futui, in pula mea, pula and other such expressions will be not tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2..You will not say si-a bagat pula when someone makes a mistake, or s-a cacat pe el if you see someone being to be reprehended, or baga-mi-as, when a major mistake has been made.All forms and derrivations of the verb a se caca and a se fute are utterly inappropiate and unacceptable in our enviroment.

3..No project manager, section head or administrator under aby circumstances will be reffered to as pula de om, cacanaru” or boul.

4..Lack of determination will not be reffered to as pulalau nor will persons who lack initiative be reffered to as muiangiu.

5..Unusual or creative ideas offered by managment are not to be reffered to as porcarii.

6..Do not say futu-ti mata if somebody is persistent;do not add pula mea, if a colleague is going trough a difficult situation. Futhermore, you must not say am pus-o (refer to item 2) nor o sa ne-o traga when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7..When asking someone to leave you allone, you must not say dute-n pula mea or should you ever substitute “May i help you?’” with, ce pula mea vrei ?

8..Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners bosorogi imputiti.

9..Do not say ia mai mereti-n pula cu cacatu asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer futute-n cur when your assistance is required.

10.You should never call customer representatives as boul dracului or tampitu ala.

11.The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as a pizdulica buna, futaciosu or homalau lu peste.

12. Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say ma sterg la cur cu textu asta.

Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
Thank you.”

Notă: Ca câine de poznă al democraţiei româneşti originale, implementată de preşedintele Ilici, folosesc engleza, chiar dacă habar n-am nici de limba română. D-aia … n-am corectat erorile din text. Doar, l-am copy-paste. În rest, latru şi eu cum am învăţat de la strămoşii mei, câinii daci.